Wednesday, 12 December 2012

Passing Maybe

8th was PG's 22nd Birthday. And my dad's birthday.

10th was the day Abel Sylvester died.

12th December this year is 'special' - 12.12.12.

21st is hailed as the last by many.

In midst of all that, I can only feel life passing by. It's a continuous happening, something we all know; but in the tiny moments of countless days, it doesn't register.

Then you are posed with a date such as today's and you know it's not happening for another century, the uniqueness of the 3 columns.
And that's what does it...

Why does it take big, stupid things for us to realize small, important ones?

The coming Christmas and New Year looms upon me like storm clouds. what would I do with myself, so far away from home and family?
And in all the uncertainties that I let myself wallow, why does the weight of it all not push me to try harder, be better?
Maybe this is how people run their lives into ruin. Or maybe this is just the way life is run, in general by everyone. This must be the making of our future dialogue as 80 year olds, curled up on a couch, wrinkled hands twisting around each other in an attempt to recirculate blood.

"Life just passes you by. How fast the years have gone...I used to know a time when..."

Maybe we all deserve a shot at that kind of timeless sorrow, as much as we deserve a chance at happy endings.

Thursday, 12 January 2012

Let Them Speak

I lift my head, open my eyes
Look around and realize
That today, I don’t want to say
Anything, speak a single word
Or utter even a sigh
Today, I want everything else to speak
For itself
And speak for me
Today, I want the bed to say
I had a restless night
The night to say I didn’t sleep
I want my hands to say
They have a firm grip
Even if I have nothing to hold onto
I want my lips to tell you
They haven’t kissed love
The Sun in the sky
The Sun in my eyes
And the light to say
I hate the dark in my life
In the corners of my room
In the corners of my mind
I want the Earth to say
I’m a burden to bear
But She doesn’t mind
All that much
And that She would rather have
Me living, leeching off her
Than leaving, leaving, left
Today, I want the skies to fall
And provide a blanket
Of sightless, soundless, thoughtless bliss
For even a moment
I want the world to tell
Of the lack of peace in life
Not too loudly or in lament
Just in moderation
I want, in excess, arms
And eyes and smiles
That radiate love
And don’t question my bearing
I close my eyes
Breathe in one last time
Because today
I want my body to speak my mind
I want my heart to rule my brain
And your brain
And the rationale of our world
I want my last breath to tell the air
That I will draw one more
That I’ll never choose to not be there
That I would be too scared
To leave alone
To leave you alone
To leave
I want my every breath to say
I live, I love, I lie, I care